Letting go of our False Self

In my previous post I said that because we are so attached to our False Self and perceive it to be who we are, letting go of it is extremely difficult. Moreover, if we decide to allow our False Self to die we cannot choose to manufacture our own demise; or it will merely be an ‘ego-project’. Something external has to impact upon us and bring this about. If we are in control of what happens then it is not an authentic process. It will still enable us to hold on to our False Self that we are deluded into thinking is our True Self. The question of who is in control is always the crucial one.

This normally happens when we reach mid-life. Richard Rohr conceives of the first half of life being characterized by a process of ‘ascent.’ In this time we find a sense of our identity and become established.  It involves a movement towards greater and greater power and control. There is also accumulation of wealth and possessions. From what I have been writing in these posts, it also entails the development of our False Self. He says that in mid-life we experience a ‘crisis of limitation’ which halts this upward trajectory. Something significant will impact on us externally over which we will not have control. This experience ranges from individual to individual and is unique to their life and reality. How they respond to it is crucial. They can fight against it and try and maintain their upward trajectory; or they can allow this external experience to be transformative. It provides the means for them to let go of their False Self and embrace their True Self. Who they think they are in the first half of their life is not who they actually are.

If an individual allows the crisis of limitation to change them, it moves them into the journey of the second half of life; which is a movement into ‘decent’. This is characterized by letting go of the power and control the individual gained in the journey of the first half of his/her life. At the same time it entails embracing their True Self.

We only really access and live out of the reality of our True Self to the degree that we surrender to the movement and direction of the indwelling Holy Spirit. Ultimately it requires surrendering to mystery, because the False Self is no longer in control. It is something that comes about as we move towards living in union with our Father. Whilst we may have certain ‘peak experiences’, this is not a once- off reality that happens in an instant; but a process. It involves a process of dying to our False Self and being reborn as our True Self.

 There are layers of meaning and spiritual reality. On one level Jesus died for us; and in our place. Through this he provided the means for our salvation. On another level we also need to move beyond that reality. The fact is that he gave us a model that we have to follow in. When he called his disciples he told them to ‘follow’ him. That meant to follow in the pattern of his life, death and resurrection. In order for the resurrection of the True Self to take place the False Self has to die. There is no experience of resurrection without the pain of suffering.

 In my previous posts I have outlined the fact that our True Self is hidden beneath our wounds. The suffering involves facing and dealing with the pain of our accumulated past pain. Once we have faced our pain the key to healing the pain is the choice to forgive those who have hurt us. Jesus said on the cross: “Father forgive them because they do not know what they are doing.” Healing comes through the act of forgiveness. Only then are we released from our bondage to our pain and wounds. Jesus clearly enunciated this in the “Lord’s Prayer”, in the verse we find in Matthew 6:12: “….and forgive us our sins, just as we have forgiven those who have sinned against us.” There is a condition attached to our healing and release. When we release those who have wounded us, we are released from the power and effect that our wounds have over us. By setting those who have hurt us free, we set ourselves free.

Furthermore, it is through forgiveness that we are set free from the hold that our adversary has over us as well. On a mysterious level, having unforgiveness; and harbouring ill-feeling and grudges against others; gives Satan a hold and power over us. Through this he keeps us in bondage to him. This happens even if we are not consciously aware that we have these poisonous attitudes. These impact on us in ways that we do not realize. There are mental, emotional, physical and spiritual consequences.    

All this is only possible to the degree that we have a personal experience of the deep love of our Father for us. I believe that is why the practice of silence and solitude is vital. Only as we experience the presence of our loving Father are we enabled to know that we are loved. The experience of the love and forgiveness of our Father enables us to forgive others. We can only do it to the degree we have freely received this gift. In turn we give the gift of forgiveness to those who have wounded us. This is the means for our movement into healing and wholeness. This also allows us to access and live out of the reality of our True Self.

Questions for reflection:

*Have you experienced a ‘crisis of limitation’?

*How did you respond?

*If you haven’t experienced it yet, how will you respond when it happens?