Our True Self

In this post I am looking at what it means to discover and live into the reality of our True Self. I was recently asked by a friend about what I believed with regard to the reality of sin and us being ‘sinful’. My reply was that I believe in the reality of sin in the sense that we have free choice and can choose to act according to our self-interest at the expense of others and our relationship with God. What I don’t subscribe to is that the deepest reality of who we are is ‘sinful’.

The Genesis account of creation starts with describing mankind in a state of grace in the garden. It speaks of us being created in the ‘image of God’. I believe that reflects the primary reality of who we are at the core of our being- our ‘True Self’. This is also an expression of our purpose. Our primary purpose is to manifest the image of God we are created to be. The passage also indicates that originally mankind was called to rule over creation in union with God.

The problem is that through both the reality of sin and our becoming wounded we move into a state of being separated from both God and our True Self. We can only come to live into the reality of manifesting the image of God by dealing with these two hurdles. The Christian Church has come to focus almost exclusively on our separation from God; and has lost the reality of our separation from our True Self.

The Christian mystics attest to the fact that our deepest self is a unique reflection of God and is in union with God. The Universal Church has to a large degree lost touch with that reality. This is especially true in Calvinism, with its emphasis on mankind’s sinfulness and the ‘depravity of mankind’. People are constantly told: “You are bad! You are bad!” That is a destructive perception of reality and penetrates to a deep level of a person’s consciousness. It results in a person becoming trapped in guilt and shame. Guilt has to do with what we have done wrong. Shame is at a deeper level of being. It has to do with who we are. Constantly experiencing an awareness of guilt moves the person into a state of shame. It is an awareness (self-perception) of being ‘bad’.

A story is told about what happened when Catherine of Genoa discovered the reality of her ‘True Self’; and that she was created in God’s image; and her deepest self was in union with God. She ran through the streets of Genoa shouting over and over at the top of her voice: “The deepest me is God! The deepest me is God!” Everyone thought she was crazy. When that awareness finally becomes a reality to us, it changes everything. Nothing can ever be the same again.

Contemplative prayer, and the spiritual journey we undertake through it, moves us to face and reverse the two hurdles that confront us. It confronts us with both our sin and our wounds; and enables us to grapple with them. It is a movement towards coming into union with both God and our True Self. The early church had an awareness that next to knowledge of God is self-knowledge. The two realities are interlinked. As we move towards union with God, we discover who we are. The alternative is also true. As we discover in greater measure who we are, we come to a deeper awareness of who God is. I have come to believe that we can only truly discover who we are in and through relationship with God. Outside of this relationship we only have a ‘False Self’. This is an ego-identity; what I find helpful in calling our ‘social identity’. I believe that this is not who we really are. However, most people are trapped in the illusion that their social identity is who they are. In this and following posts I want to move towards dispelling that delusion.

The problem is that to undertake this spiritual journey it necessitates embracing mystery. A necessary precondition is that a person opens themselves up to embrace mystical reality. Without this no spiritual journey is possible. Herein lies the rub. This is drastically at odds with our very rational Western society. Everything we are taught to believe in militates against this. This is a stumbling block both within the wider society and the Christian Church. People have been socialized into adopting a rational, secular worldview. Christians often live with inner disorientation and divided minds because of this. They have spiritual schizophrenia. Dealing with this is difficult. It is easier to live with our False Self.

The harsh reality is that if we live out of our False Self we will never truly be fulfilled or satisfied. At a deep level of being we ‘know’ that something crucial is missing. We are alienated from the most essential reality of who we are. There is a huge void at the core of our being. It is that awareness that spurs us on to pursue the pilgrimage towards discovering who we are. Yet, to undertake this journey requires great courage. Richard Rohr, one of my most significant mentors, contends that it is most probably the most courageous thing we will do in our lives.

Thomas Merton said that the work of a monk is to confront his inner dread. This is a profound expression of what our inner journey entails; and why so many people avoid it. For me this ‘dread’ covers our experience of being wounded as well as our own infidelity. It also includes our inability to love and receive love. Merton says that those who do not do so will be beset by spiritual disorientation and boredom. They will never know true inner peace or experience fulfillment. Unless a person faces their inner dread in order to access and live out of their True Self they will experience an inner void and vacuum that nothing else can fill.

Questions for reflection;

*Do you accept the difference between your False self and True Self?

*Have you confronted your inner dread?

*Are you in touch with the reality of your True Self?