You might be wondering why this blog is called ‘Jonah’s
Sign’. That will become apparent from reading how and why I have come to write
it.
About six years ago, shortly before my fiftieth birthday, I
had a major heart attack and ended up in hospital where it was discovered that
I had three blockages in two of the three primary arteries of my heart. Thanks
to the wonder of contemporary medicine the cardiology team was able to restore
the functioning of my heart by inserting three stents where the blockages were.
I spent a month at home recuperating and thereafter soon found myself to be fit
and strong once more.
On another level, besides the obvious physical elements,
this whole experience was deeply spiritual for me. In the first place, although
this heart attack came without warning, I immediately had an inner sense of
what was happening to me and that I should not panic; all was well and I should
go with the flow of it. There was an experience of inner peace and awareness that
I was being held. I had no real pain, just discomfort and pressure in my chest,
along with my left arm becoming numb. Whilst lying in ICU I had a profound
awareness of the presence of God.
After the procedure, on my return home, there was a sense
that somehow this was a Jonah experience. I connected lying in ICU for three
days waiting for the stents to be implanted with the Old Testament story of
Jonah being in the belly of the great fish. Moreover, the three stainless steel
stents implanted in my heart seemed to represent being kept alive by the grace
of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. I had a deep sense of gratitude for being
given a new lease of life. It felt like a rebirth and I viewed the reality of
my life through new eyes; and had something like the flush of falling in love
once again. This time my love interest was the One who had loved me into being
in the first place.
The month spent at home recuperating was a time of wonder.
My wife Sharon and our two sons, Euan and Kyle, were away during the day,
working and studying. In their absence it was like being on a private retreat;
spent in the company of my true Lover, who loved me unconditionally. During
that time of intimacy I had an awareness of the Lord impressing on me that the
joinery business that I was running at the time had become an idol and that I
needed to let go of such intense involvement in it. When I returned to work that was therefore
what I did.
Hindsight gives us
great vision. Although at the time I was blind to what was happening I can now
see that from that point my business slowly began to die. This business had
taken me around twenty years to build up and was the source of my livelihood as
well as the provision for the future of my family and myself. Needless to say I
progressively began to panic, especially when it became clear that I could not
save the business despite my best effort. Without going into detail for sake of
brevity the death of my business took five painfull years and culminated in me
having a second heart attack. My heart was literally broken. This time there
was only one blockage, requiring only one stent, but it was the final nail in
the coffin. I gave up, admitted defeat and stopped trading. It resulted in me
entering into a time of grieving the loss of my business. For a few months I
was emotionally wiped out and unable to function properly. During that time I
was in a state of paralysis, with diminished ability to think clearly or act
decisively. After this grieving period I began to try to find a way ahead.
I now had an even stronger awareness of this being a Jonah experience;
not just the two heart attacks, but also the five year period it took for the
business to die. The complete process had brought me to a very different place,
with regard to both the external reality of my life as well as my inner reality.
After much reflection I have now come to see that this was probably the worst
thing that has happened in my life, yet at the very same time the best.
I was aware that the Lord leads us through our deep desires
and so I plumbed the depths of my inner desire. A strong desire to write
welled up and so that is what I did; and have done so for the past year. As a
stutterer from childhood my ability to communicate has been severely restricted and I
have now begun to find my voice and am starting to express myself. It has been like unplugging a volcano and experiencing an eruption and release of unexpressed words and emotions that have been suppressed within me for many long years.Amongst other things it has
led me to write this blog.
In the context of my overall situation I was confronted with many questions, one of them being what the story of Jonah had to say to me in my predicament. I have learnt that my spiritual journey is not about having definitive answers, all neatly packaged and labeled; but with living the questions. It is the questions that both move and draw me; and without forward movement I remain static or even shrink back.
In the context of my overall situation I was confronted with many questions, one of them being what the story of Jonah had to say to me in my predicament. I have learnt that my spiritual journey is not about having definitive answers, all neatly packaged and labeled; but with living the questions. It is the questions that both move and draw me; and without forward movement I remain static or even shrink back.
My Christian spiritual
journey has led me to first of all embrace mystery, because it requires faith in
what I cannot comprehend with my mind or apprehend with my senses. As I have progressively embraced mystery
at deeper levels I have been drawn into embracing paradox as well. I have discovered that most
(if not all) of the profound mysteries of faith necessitate the uncomfortable
reality of holding opposites in tension. This runs contrary to all that is held dear
and aspired to in the rationalistic Western society we live in; which is
obsessed with control. We will explore this in a later blog.
One of my spiritual mentors said that the story of Jonah
provides us with the essential pattern of spiritual transformation. I therefore
decided to spend time looking at this story. What was also intriguing for me
was that when Jesus was asked by a group of people to give them a miraculous
sign to show them that he was from God, he replied that it was an evil and
faithless generation that asked for a sign. He added that the only sign he
would give them was the ‘Sign of Jonah’ (Matthew 12:38-40).
In the blogs that follow I invite you to journey with me in
exploring what I discovered about the nature of signs and their interpretation; as well as both what
the Old Testament story of Jonah had to
say to me; and what I believe Jesus meant by giving the ‘Sign of Jonah’ to those people
who would not accept him for who he was. I will use a contemplative approach,
allowing you to explore the questions for yourself. I hope that you will use
the opportunity to meditate on what we look at together. It is a fascinating journey which goes to the
heart of the process of spiritual transformation. You are welcome to either
sign up or opt out at this point.
Hi John,
ReplyDeleteWow! Talk about being put through the fire and God sending us signs - I hope my signs will not be that dramatic!
I look forward to your unfolding story.
Regards,
Peter Atkins
(Please remember me to Sharon).
Hi Peter,
DeleteGood to hear from you.
Our society deludes us into thinking that growth and development is a linear process towards achievement and success.
My life experience has taught me that there is no real change and transformation without struggle and suffering.
Unfortunately many Christians feel that they are immune from the human condition.
The difference is that God is with them in the mess and uses the struggle for growth and transformation.
Baie geluk met die blog. Ek hou dit met belangstelling dop. Mooi loop, ek is reg agter jou:)
ReplyDeleteBaie dankie Estelle ek waardeer dit.
DeleteHi John
ReplyDeleteCongrats on your new blog. If the 1st post is anything to go by, it's going to make for some interesting, thought-provoking reading! Blessings, Joan
Thanks Joan,
DeleteI hope that can be realized.
Hi John, thank you so much for sharing. Waiting in anticipation for the next episodes! Blessings and much love from Brian and Roslyn
ReplyDeleteThanks to both of you
Delete