In my last blog post I told how I discovered that I was in
spiritual bondage- bound, gagged and in prison. This had come about firstly
through receiving a ‘Father Wound’ at the hand of my flesh and blood father.
When I prayed and asked the Lord to show me what my Father Wound was I was
reminded of an experience I had when I was about four years old. We lived on a
forest farm in a place called Lothair in the Eastern Transvaal. My father
worked at the saw mill which converted the trees into usable timber. A friend
and I started a small fire on the edge of the forest plantation. To our dismay
the fire rapidly spread and set the main forest on fire. The experience of the
huge, raging fire was horrific and overwhelming for me. Workers soon summoned
my father who ran towards me. Instead of holding, protecting and saving me from
this dreadful reality as I had hoped he proceeded to give me an awful beating.
He kept hitting me, and when I tried to give expression to my pain and anguish
by crying out he continually shouted at me to “Shut Up!” In order to try and
stop the beating I pursed my lips and stifled my cries. Somehow that response
became lodged within my consciousness; emblazoned within my psyche. After that
I could no longer speak fluently and began stuttering.
The people in my social circle both reprimanded and chided
me because of my non-fluent speech, which had the effect of making my speech
pattern worse. It was a vicious cycle because the more this happened the worse
my speech became. The children were the worst culprits. The boys took to
mocking me, beating me up and excluding me from their games. The effect of this
rejection was that I began to feel worthless. The end result was that I
rejected myself and had very little self esteem. This eventually spawned the
self-destructive attitudes I wrote about in my last post; of self-rejection,
self-pity and fear.
In ‘Wild at Heart’ John Eldredge says that after the initial
Father Wound we are repeatedly wounded in the same spot through the course of
our life. This has the effect of immobilizing us; and hinders our growth and
development. As I have reflected on my own life I believe that what he says is
true. This is the sinister plan of our enemy Satan. Ultimately, as we saw in my
last post, our fight is not against flesh and blood, but against Principalities
and Powers of a dark nature. In our rationalistic age everything is reduced to
physical and chemical forces; and there is a belief that we have rational
control over all reality. That was what I was brought up to believe was true.
In the last six years my eyes have been opened to recognize a very different
situation. I have come to see that there is a far greater ‘reality’ beyond the
apparent reality that I took for granted for the first fifty years of my life.
This spiritual reality impacts on us in ways that are beyond our ability to
comprehend. If not for the process I have been through, which I have been
unpacking in this blog, I would not have been able to recognize this fact. The Apostle Paul alludes to the fact that we
all have a spiritual ‘veil’ over our faces that prevents us from recognizing
spiritual reality (2 Corinthians 3:12-18). Only as we turn to our True Father
and seek understanding is it given to us through the Holy Spirit. The spiritual
veil is lifted so that we can see what was right in front of us, yet could not
see before.
The Holy Spirit gave me awareness that I was
trapped in spiritual bondage and I was drawn to read a passage in James 5:16: “Confess
your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.”
This led me to approach a member of our church staff team who I trusted and
told her that I believed that I was in spiritual bondage. She arranged for me
to meet with her and another male staff member (who happened to be a retired
Anglican Bishop). They began to lead me through a deep process of confession and deliverance ministry. What
ensued was four sessions of ministry which took place at two week intervals.
This was an organic process in which all three of us listened to the direction
of the Holy Spirit. In preparation for each session I asked the Holy Spirit to
reveal to me what I needed to confess. At first I was taken back to my early childhood and
the Holy Spirit brought to mind many things that I had either forgotten, had
buried deep within me because of their traumatic nature, or had not been aware
of before then. I duly confessed to my two ministers what came to mind. They
both listened and asked appropriate questions, to which I responded. Through
this many things came to light .
A primary reality that emerged was that my maternal
grandmother had been a Rosicrucian member and my paternal grandfather had been
a Freemason. Therefore, knowingly or unknowingly (I could not tell) they had
become involved in the occult. Lower level members of these orders more often than
not do not realise what they are involved with. Their understanding is normally
that they are receiving secret knowledge that can benefit them and their
family. They do not understand the dire implications; and that they are
meddling with the dark things of Satan. Satan usually poses as Lucifer, ‘The
Light Bearer’, who gives people knowledge and power that they would not
otherwise receive. In these secret societies Lucifer is seen as the good guy
and the God of the Bible as the bad one. They therefore unwittingly end up in
spiritual bondage to Satan. Scripture makes clear that occult involvement
results in curses being inflicted on the practitioner and their family; even to
succeeding generations. I was therefore subject to generational curses from
both sides of my family. Not a good place to be. Because of this my adversary
was able to bring me into spiritual bondage even though I had given my life to
the True Lord and not the imposter who has tried to usurp his Lordship. Satan
was not able to ‘possess’ me because of my commitment to the Lord (who I
belonged to), but he was able to ‘oppress’ me. It felt as though I carried a heavy
weight on my shoulders; and had deep, dark bouts of depression. This robbed me
of the joy of life.
After confessing what came into the light and renouncing any
involvement in the occult, the ties my adversary had over me were broken. I instead
committed myself to actively love and serve the True Lord. Through the ministry
I received during those sessions the Lord of Life was able to set me free from
my spiritual bondage. It felt as though the weight of the world was lifted from
my shoulders and I have come to know an inner peace that I never dreamt possible.
I (we) love and serve an awesome God. I
will give greater details of all this in my next post.
Questions for
reflection:
·
Have you or any of your family members
(especially parents and grandparents) been involved in secret societies such as
Rosicrucian and Freemason orders?
·
Are you sufficiently aware of the implications
for them and for yourself?
·
Do you want to be set free from the spiritual
bondage you have been subjected to?
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