Be Hot or Cold

In my last post I shared why I decided to commit myself to love and serve the Lord. I had a frightening confrontation with the forces of darkness which made me realise that on my own I was defenceless and vulnerable. This made me see that I needed to be in right relationship with the Lord of the universe and under his protection. By giving my life to the Lord I came into a new relationship with my True Father and was adopted into his family. Through what Jesus did on the cross for everyone I was made right with my Father and had a position in his family. By virtue of that position I had the rights and privileges of a flesh and blood son. I shared in the inheritance of all those who lived in this great household.

For the first seven or eight years I was captivated by this reality and revelled in it. At first I launched myself into studying Scripture and getting to know as much as I could about what it meant to live as a child of God. I was initially involved in youth ministry, which gave me a foundational understanding of a Christian way of life. When I went to university to study social science I intensely wrestled with coming to a Biblical understanding of what I was learning. It was difficult because everything I was being taught came out of a rationalistic, secular humanist, worldview. I therefore had to constantly translate what I was learning and see it through different lenses.  In and through this endeavour I came to a rational, but faith- based, understanding of the social world I lived in.

The next stage of my spiritual journey involved being caught up in the Charismatic Renewal, which began in the 1970’s. The Lord poured his Holy Spirit out on the world- wide Christian Church (cutting across many divides such as Roman Catholic / Protestant, as well as different denominations). I caught the tail end of it and experienced being baptised in the Holy Spirit in 1980. Part of that new experience of the Holy Spirit being at work in my life was receiving the gift of speaking in tongues. This prayer language enabled me to pray in a new way; and allow the Holy Spirit to pray into situations using vision and insight that would otherwise not be possible.

That was not the end of the story however. The Holy Spirit then led me to become involved in an Ignatian (Roman Catholic) lay movement which focused on practicing contemplative prayer as a way of life. This was a very different way of relating to the Lord. It involved embracing silence and solitude and adopting attitudes of listening and waiting on the Lord. The focus was on deepening relationships with God, myself and other people. The experience was like nothing I had before. There was a profound movement within me towards developing an intimate relationship with the Lord. As this happened my eyes were also opened to begin to see myself in a new way.

There was a movement within me to begin to dialogue with God in a way that I did not know was possible. At the same time I was enabled to start to dialogue with myself; especially my ‘shadow’ (that part of myself I did not accept and was scared of) which I had buried deep within me. The more I came into the light of the Lord’s presence, the more the darkness within me was revealed. I had to both own and confess my inner darkness and sin. Through the forgiveness I received from my Father I was gradually set free; and as I came to peace with God at deeper levels I was enabled to come to peace with myself as well. My eyes were opened to see and appreciate myself in a new way; at a deep level of being.

At that point in time I did not know that I was in spiritual bondage and that our adversary had a spiritual hold over me. This led me to, in a sense, hit a spiritual wall; and strong resistance welled up within me. This caused me to drop the ball and not continue playing the game. Instead, I turned and walked away. The intense commitment and involvement that I previously had rapidly dissipated. The spiritual fire which I had within me soon grew cold. Over time I drifted into a state of spiritual apathy and indifference. This lasted for twenty long years. During that time I metaphorically moved far away from my Father’s house. I built up a reasonably successful joinery business and felt that I was now self sufficient, relatively financially secure and in control of my own life and destiny.

This was until I had a sudden heart attack six years ago, which came with no warning. It made me see that I was not self sufficient, nor in control of my life and my destiny. I realise now that my True Father was calling me home once more. He was waiting for me with open arms. I was ready to start afresh and vigorously take hold of my true inheritance because I had been shown that the grass is not really greener on the other side. For twenty years I was separated from my True Father’s love by my own choice. It has impressed on me the fact that hell is more a state of being than a place. Being separated from the love of my Father was an experience of hell. I ‘never’ want to experience that again. It has shown me in graphic terms what is at stake and has moved me to re-commit myself to love and serve the Lord at a deeper level.

This paved the way for me to begin to confront the spiritual bondage that I was in. It made possible the process that I went through of being set free from this bondage. Because I have been through this it has firstly opened my eyes to see the extent of the control our enemy and adversary had over me. I have also come to realise that this is far more widespread than I had ever believed possible. In the second place, I have become conscious that I (we) are involved in massive spiritual warfare on a very wide scale. Since my deliverance I have been confronted with a huge amount of material in various forms (written, CD, DVD and film) which confirms this. I would previously have written off the people espousing this; and seen them as being crackpot religious extremists. A few years ago I would never have dreamt that I would find myself amongst their ranks. I will share something of this in future posts.

There is a Scripture I want to share in light of what I have said above. It comes out of a letter sent to the Church of Laodicea that is found in Revelations 3:14-22. The particular verses are:

“I know all the things you do, that you are neither hot nor cold. I wish you were one or the other! But since you are like lukewarm water, I will spit you out of my mouth!”(15, 16). May this Word speak to your heart.

Questions for reflection:

·         Are you hot or cold; or apathetic and indifferent?

·         Do you accept that we are involved in massive spiritual warfare?